See how the gently fallen snow melts in my hand
Disappearing until nothing is left.. like it was never there
The fake snow dancing in the soft breeze above the blue neon lights, but the brightest souls in the studio were the five men dressed in grey suits. They had the audiences’ shrieks and screams, all attention turned to the small stage where Youngwoong Jaejoong, Micky Yoochun, Xiah Junsu, U-Know Yunho, and Choikang Changmin were reunited again on stage. Signs showing support to the boys were everywhere, and finally the music started. Jaejoong, standing in the middle of the members, was scanning the crowd, remembering the past where this was his usual schedule. Wondering why it felt weird to be back again in Japan so suddenly as if nothing had happened.
It was his job to start the song off, with his gentle voice.
“Kimi ga sayonara wo tsuzeguni dete itta ano hi kara
Kono machi no keshiki wa midori ga kawatta ki ga suru yo…”
Since the day you left me without a word of goodbye,
I feel the scenery around me has changed…
Cassiopeia, Dong Bang Shin Ki, the music, the shrieks from the crowd, although he wanted a beautiful, ordinary, calm life, he really wanted these things too. Was it too much to ask? He could only stare forward, in a straight line, to grasp the true meaning of the song that they were singing. The words were beautifully intertwined with each other, the melody as heart-moving as the lyrics. He mouthed the words the others was saying, wishing he could get send his feelings to the two people standing less than a metre away from him, praying that this moment will never end.
“Kimi he no omoi wo afure dashita kotoba wa mou ima wa todokanai..”
But the words that contain my overflowing feelings cannot reach you anymore.
The snow represented themselves, the ones who wanted to be free, to just be floating in the air, doing what they want to do, to make people in awe of their beautiful voices.
Doesn’t it seem like the most important things are the most fragile…
We can’t hold onto them, they just drift quietly away
And after two minutes or so, the lights dimmed, and the music changed from a mellow ballad to an upbeat one. Time for them to turn away and leave the stage. It was so fast, yet so painstakingly long. Yoochun’s eyes were glistening in the low light, after his moving performance. He could tell, his dongsaeng was trying his best after this was their first since… what, two months? It felt like a whole year had gone past, without seeing each other officially.
In a distant, faraway corner of the universe
The two of us met by chance
His overflowing feelings were running this way and forth, and Jaejoong’s glance met Yunho’s. For a second, they paused to recognise the person they were looking at.
“Yunho-yah…”
“Jaejoongie…”
Outside, in the cold night air, they leant against the hard brick wall. The moon was unsmiling tonight; but Jaejoong’s heart was. U-Know was back, the manly leader that patted his members’ back when they needed encouragement, the man who made him the Youngwoong Jaejoong he is now. He could not have gotten here without him (and the others, of course).
“You look so thin.” Jaejoong mumbled,
“Your fault for not being here too cook for me.”
“Yah, you know I can’t. I wish I could. You know that. How do you think I feel seeing you losing so much weight?”
“Speak to yourself. You yourself lost weight too, huh?”
“Don’t speak anymore, I don’t want to ruin the day.”
They just stood there, enjoying the seconds that went past without other bad feelings that usually waved over them when they were separated. Turning to face the leader, Jaejoong saw the texture of Yunho’s face in the dim light of the moon, thinking of something that was bothering him.
I want to call it a miracle, this feeling,
And I want you alone to know
“I wish I could perform like this again…” he spoke to the stars above, finding the five stars that gave him encouragement since his debut.
“ I can see Cassiopeia over there,” he pointed his fingers to the shining constellation. “They are sparkling in anticipation, waiting for us to sing again.” Jaejoong lowered his hand, and reached for Yunho’s. “Don’t you think so too?”
But I’m no good at saying what I really want to say
Wandering, searching…that’s how I’ve lived
“Hmm…” that was the only thing that the leader could say. He was glad to be leading the group again, to see the lights on the stage, to sing in front of hundreds of people, to sing. Wasn’t it what all of this was for?
They stood silently. Thinking of their fate, their fortune, their whole life. Words drowning in their thoughts, unable to bring them up to their lips. So many sentences, so many things they wanted to ask, although some of them were ordinary questions. In some gaps, one of them would try to start the conversation back again, but the awkwardness stopped them.
All of a sudden, Yunho’s arms embraced the man next to him. The ice can only be melted with a warm fire, he thought, with a hug. He threw in and mixed all his feelings of love, trust, and their eternal bond inside the embrace. No words can express what he wanted to say, what he wanted to do now. All the bad memories he threw away, and Jaejoong’s awkwardness evaporated.
Now, I think I’ve found my one and only light
But if I try to pursue it, it will only run away…the future is undecided
“Yunho-yah…”
“Don’t move. I want to etch this into my mind forever. I want to add this to our album of memories. Like my own private photobook.”
“Someone will see-”
“I don’t care. As long as you are here with me, we can go through all this together once more. Let’s just hope the stars will hand out the truth and faith.”
They knew that the time they had was limited. But they didn’t move, they stayed in the embrace. Closing his eyes, Jaejoong thought of the other members. Junsu who had matured so much over these last couple of weeks, Yoochun who keeps trying to hold his tears back…Changminnie who was getting emotional day by day, who kept his feelings to only to himself…
With gentleness, Yunho pushed Jaejoong’s head away from his shoulder, but still held him in his strong arms. Jae knew what was coming, and his soul was already floating with eagerness. As the leader brought his lips closer, Jae’s heart was leaping with new joy. Distance actually made them closer than ever. He never knew others’ touch as comforting as Yunho’s, lips as sweet as Yunho’s, a voice so manly…
Jaejoong couldn’t end this, he wanted more, but he did. Oh, to be together again with no border around his world, he wanted so much. Time had gone by so fast. The rapid beat of his heart brought him to reality, out of his dream world where everything was fine again, where only smiles existed and tears were only tears of happiness. Where music played all day long and the stars shining all night.
While stopping along the way over and over again,
We’ve shared smiles and tears alike
Yunho’s face straightened, and Jaejoong’s tears were wiped away with Yunho’s also damp fingers.
“Boo, why are you crying? We can still see each other again soon. We performed again tonight. Things are only going to get better, I am sure of it, Boo.”
Jaejoong’s sniffles filled the air, his eyes red with pain that he could not stand: the pain of his heart, not his physically tired self. Although he really was tired today, it seemed like the tireness had flown away to the corner of the universe.
“I miss everything, I miss the piano from Yoochun’s room, the laughs of the dolphin, cooking for dinner, cleaning up after the members, I-I ..just…”
“That’s not a good reason for you to cry. Look at yourself, puffed up like some kind of…” taking a quick look at Jaejoong’s already sad face made him stop for a quarter of a second. “The point is, even though tomorrow-”
The eldest one smiled. “Yes, I know, Yunho-yah.” The sudden change in the man’s mood made Yunho smile too. He could not help laughing a little too. “That’s the way, Jaejoongie. You smile, smile to the others, smile to our fans, smile to the world. Smile so that they will remember us as the group that always shares our happiness with the rest of the galaxy. Let the stars above know that our love can get us through this, that our courage is a strong boat rowing through the waves of fate.”
That was why Jaejoong loved that man. The man who always pick him up while he was down, who could make his heart flip the other way. The one who could always see from the positive side of the rainbow, the one who could lift up the world just to make his dongsaengs smile. Yunho.
You and I have made this journey
And that’s the only truth of which I am certain
“I know we’ll see each other again.” Jaejoong reassured himself.
“You go get’em, Joongie.” Smiles sparkled in the winter air. If only his fans could feel this short moment of joy, the leader thought. If only all the days were only times of delight that never stopped, with no deep sorrow in people’s dark souls. But then, how can you feel true bliss if you have never felt sadness before?
“We made it up to here, Yunho-yah. Actually, can we even stop now? We said in some interviews, when we are twenty-five, we would still be doing Dong Bang activities together. We aren’t allowed to break promises, not to anyone, especially Cassiopeia who had been keeping the faith all these years.”
Jaejoong was taking the words right out from Yunho’s mouth. The leader didn’t have anything else to say, except a mere sentence of encouragement.
“Never stop believing that the sun will always shine at daytime, and don’t stop wishing that the moon will shine you good fortune, Jaejoong.”
AlwaysAyumi 